February 7, 2022 is our due date!
So many people have asked and I know so many others follow along quietly on Facebook and Instagram so when we found out we were expecting a baby, I knew I HAD to tell my social media fam all about it! I also wanted to show any others out there that are afraid, that you're not alone! I know I have a TON to learn as I'm sure you'll see just right here... cue the song "He's still working on me"... but I thought it may help someone else who may be struggling with something similar.
2020 was a rough year for everyone basically. Anyone ready to go back? haha ...Not this ole girl! My photography business was practically non-existent cause weddings were all being rescheduled. Lay-offs were happening at plants in our area and just things were not what we expected. Albert was finishing up school and jobs just seemed few and far between. I didn't feel a baby was a small decision. Whether or not you agree with masks and vaccines (that's another subject), it wasn't what any of us had planned. That being the case, a baby just wasn't an option at that time.
These were my fears:
1 I would be raising a child in today's world.
2 I didn't want me and Albert's relationship to change.
3 I wondered if I could rear a child to love the Lord and serve Him.
4 I worried about supporting a child financially.
5 I knew the unselfishness that has to be learned when having a child and I worried if I could even carry a child with my heart and health issues.
As many of you know, me and my wonderful husband, Albert, strive to be like Christ in all we do. Are we "little Christs?" "For sure, no." (Did you get my John Crist reference? haha!) We both fail and mess up daily. We are far from perfect but we strive for our lives to revolve around our Center, Jehovah, the God of the Bible. He has saved us from Hell, given us a home in Heaven, and has been there for us throughout EVERYTHING! We are the farthest thing from a perfect couple, but we serve a God who is perfect and He is the reason we have a sweet marriage.
That being said, our walks with God are far from flawless, but God's mercy is always there when we fail. About a year ago, I began thinking about a baby, but I knew I wasn't quite ready. Truth be told! lol I told the Lord when I would pray but never mentioned it to Albert unless we specifically happened to be talking about that subject. I asked the Lord in my prayers to make it obvious to us when the time came. I wanted Albert to bring it up to me. (I tend to be a little too specific in my prayers I think. ;) ) God never seems to forget my seemingly, insignificant requests, though. :-) He's always CRAZY good!
Almost a year later, I wondered if God really wanted this and if it was just me. So, I started praying for that, too. Did I want to have a baby in this day and age? Do I want to fight the battles that America is facing and the battles I know I would face with a child? Not to mention, did I want to bring a child up in this society? (I realize there are still so many normal, moral people that do love God, but I had lost some faith in humanity after 2020. lol See my lack of faith already? smh)
Over time, the Lord calmed my fears. (Lack of faith on my part there!) I was listening to a sermon one day by J.D. Greear and he wasn't even speaking on having children but he was talking about having faith that God was mighty and was sovereign. He explained that God commanded Adam and Eve (and the human race) to have children and in spite of their sin, was able to make His will come to pass. It spoke to my heart so much that I began to cry. I knew that was God answering that prayer for me. Not only did that happen, a few weeks later, my pastor said something in church about the verse (I'm paraphrasing) that says- children are like arrows in the hand of a mighty hunter- describing that our children are to be a light to this world to lead others to Him. Our pastor was preaching about something completely different, but it confirmed in my heart that God was listening all along and was answering in ways I never thought possible.
I relied too much on myself...
See, failing again. ;-) If you look at every single one of those fears, even though most of them are logical to me, God and His goodness and grace isn't at all logical. I was putting too much faith in myself and the job "I" had to do rather than God truly doing what He does best- leading us (including my child.) There hadn't been one time that He failed us. There wasn't a single time me and Albert's relationship had changed in opposing directions since following after Him cause we're both ultimately working for the same goal (honoring and loving Jehovah).
I realized my rearing a child to love and serve the Lord, yes, had to do with me and Albert to some extent but God is able to do great things in spite of our faults and failures. Later on, I saw how God has provided for us time and time again. I mean, He owns everything. He's not "worried" about my measly need for $1,000 or even $50,000. Soon, I would come to really see that me and Albert's relationship was only what it was because of the Lord. This one is still hard for me at times, but the world we live in shouldn't dictate what we do for the Lord and so that fear had to go. I am supposed to be a spring board so to speak for others to live and follow Christ, no matter the darkness. Our children should be the same way. As for the selfishness thing, I think this is something we ALL struggle with. We all don't WANT to get up to feed a baby at 2 AM, but once I got to thinking about it, I would get up to help Albert at 2 AM if he needed help so what was the difference. I love them both! God can fix me in that area, too!
God answered again...
Remember, I had prayed off and on about a baby and asked the Lord that when it was time, for Albert to bring it up to me without me saying anything. One night, after we had visited Albert's family, we had a discussion on the way home. It had nothing to do with our having or not having children. When the conversation ended, we sat for a minute contemplating our conversation when Albert says, "Hey babe. I've been thinking and praying about us having a baby." Cue the tears! haha! (I wasn't even having pregnancy hormones then!) Little did I know, Albert had been praying about the same thing as me. We discussed it that night and decided to start praying about it together. God was just preparing us both the entire time without each other knowing. He's incredible that's all I can say.
Even though we both had been praying about it and things seemed that God was confirming it in our hearts, we still wanted to get counsel. Since we didn't want either one of our parents to know, we both separately had been thinking that I should talk to my pastor's wife about it. I did and things were confirmed again in our hearts.
One month later, we were expecting a baby.
We are both having all the emotions of having our first child. I know many of you have already been through it so y'all completely understand! I know it "took an army" to raise me and my husband (not forgetting the most important leader- the Lord) and I'm so thankful for those around me that I know will be part of that "army." We definitely will fail, but we can't wait to meet our little man and strive to rear him to love and serve our great God. Do I still have fears? Of course, but I have a God that I fear more and Who holds me and all my issues in His hands. :-)